I’m Back/It’s been a while/Update/One on One/I couldn’t figure out a title

Hi! My name is Brec and it’s been a while. 

I believe the last time I actually wrote something on here was… well I really don’t remember, but that in itself should tell you that it has been a while. Too long of a while if you ask me. 

Just to fill you in on what’s been going on:

  • Parents came out for Thanksgiving and I got to spend some good quality time with them again. 
  • FINALLY GOT A PENGUIN HAT AND SONIC SCREW DRIVER AND A DOCTOR WHO T-SHIRT! (probably my favorite gifts from this past Christmas. Thanks Best Friend and family!)
  • Got that cough back again that I had last year. But I got rid of it pretty quickly this time.
  • Flew out to spend new years with my parents and the whole family!
  • Built my first hog pit
  • Cooked my first hog.
  • I turned 23.
  • Got to FINALLY go to a Passion Conference in ATL with great friends. 
  • I’ve been growing more spiritually and letting God really break me and mold me more.
  • And gaining more ground on getting into a grad program

I think I’ve had a good start to a new year so far. Really just putting it in God’s hands and letting him work in me and show me what he wants me to do. 

This brings me to what has inspired me to write again tonight.

I’ve kinda secluded myself for a while now. But I’ve done it intentionally. Let me explain.

Back around Thanksgiving I went on a technological hiatus. I didn’t watch netflix, check my social networks, text, any of that for about a month. What I wanted to do was not only gain an appreciation for those things, but to really clear out the loud noises and listen to what God was trying to tell me. And I got my answer.

I found that after I cut out everything and was focusing on what God was trying to tell me, I heard silence. Which you may think is not an answer at all, but in fact is the exact answer had for me. 

That silence told me that I needed to seek him deeper.

Already I knew that I needed to get deeper into his word, which is something I have been doing more of and it has made things a lot clearer. I also needed to work on my prayer life more and being more connected to God consistently. So since the year began I started do more of that and seeking God more.

Going to Passion 2014 in Atlanta really helped with that. I got to spend a weekend away with two awesome friends of mine. A lot of times you got to those kinds of conferences or event just because of the name or the people that are going to be there. But the real reason I wanted to go was to get deeper into God’s word and to open myself up to be broke by God. And carrying on after Passion, I’ve been doing that still. And in that, I like to kinda be alone.

I’ve never minded be alone, by myself, lone wolfing it, whatever you want to call it. And most people really don’t mind being along with themselves. The thing that people don’t like is being lonely. Growing up an only child kinda helped with that fact about myself. When I want to think or have things on my mind, I like to be alone. Those of you who have known me a long time know this about me or have at least seen me wondering around aimlessly. (sometimes I am thinking and sometimes I am just wondering around aimlessly.) During those times I don’t go out or make big plans with friends. If I do go out, it is to go out and think or listen. 

I still remain there for those I care about, but I stay to myself. Sometimes that can come off as short or like I don’t care, which is something I’ve had to explain and work out in the past. Overall, I do it to focus on things and to listen. 

If I have been in anyway like that to you or have made you feel like that at all, please don’t think that I don’t care about you or pray for you. I just am comfortable being by myself when I need to think about things and am working on things.

I think a some people seek things from God in the wrong way. A lot of the time we want things pretty instantaneously. So when we pray to God we want and hope to get a clear answer pretty soon. And when we don’t we start asking God, “Do you mean this? Do you mean that? Is this what your saying? ANSWER ME!” That’s not the the way we should be asking God for an answer, especially that last one (which was supposed to be comically speaking).

When we don’t get a clear answer, we don’t need to start questioning God. Instead we need to remain still and listen. We need to seek him deeper and listen to his Word. I’m not saying to not pray for something consistently, but to consistently seek him for the answer. It says in the Word to keep knocking on that door for it will be opened. When it is open we may not get an actual answer, but God may be standing at the door wanting you to come in for the answer.

That’s what I have been seeking. For a while before, I sought out an answer when instead I needed to seek out him. I learned that and it has really made things a lot clearer. I have clear eyes, and a full heart.

I have a calmer heart and an open mind. I’ve been broken by God and now I can really feel him molding me more and more each day. 

I want all of you to know that while I am still being molded and listening for God and embracing being alone with God, I am here for you. Being a friend is one of the most important things to me. I take it to heart. So if you need anything, anything at all, please do not hesitate to ask. 

Just say the word, and I’ll be there.

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